Okay! here I am, a middle aged Mum of 4 and SINGLE!

After near enough 18 years of what I thought was relatively happy marriage and 4 wonderful and beautiful kids (that I am incredibly proud of)  later. Here I am SINGLE! On the very wrong side of my 40's and really starting to feel it I fear!

Some days are good, some days I wallow in self pity, fear and hopelessness; it can't be helped, I seem to have very little control of my feelings, I am female after all!!

However, I am busting a gut to look my best, lose a little weight and not worry about my body too much. Though naturally, I do fear that any future relationships will come to a timely demise due to a "cob-web" covered and ageing body. Yes, I do mean cobwebs in the "err, down there" kind of way! That part of my anatomy has clearly forgotten that it ever had a purpose other than pushing out babies (which it last did nigh on 14 years ago) and the daily unpleasant necessities of "what goes in must come out" (sorry if I am painting a vile picture!) . Please do understand though, its not that I plan on going out to find men for those purposes, but finding myself relatively newly single, it has of course made me stop and think that I MUST find myself a new man at some point! But how? What do I say? How do I go about it? and what on earth is expected of me these days? It all seems so jolly complicated and a bit of an effort really. However, the thought of never getting hugs, never having a night in with a good DVD, a bottle of wine and a man to cuddle up to on the sofa, fills me with total horror!





Worse still what if I turn into one of those miserable, mean, tight lipped unpleasant old spinsters, who bites at everyone in her path! God forbid that I should end up completely alone!

I have some great female friends. The best, I would say. Three great brilliant, very close, caring wonderful female friends in particular. My life would simply be incomplete without them. I adore them (and thats something else a new man would have to get his head around and accept, I would expect him to love them too; but not in "that" way!) When I am with them, or we have just chatted on the phone, they make me feel just great. They are the greatest bunch of women ever, and for them, I feel truly blessed! However, there is still space in my life for dating, romance, and that heart skipping feeling that only a man can give!

So, here I am,  at the  start of a new journey. I have decided to document it here, and see just where it takes me to! I really hope to lots of adventures, that I can write about. I will share my agony and  ecstasy (if there is any, and of course in moderation!). If no one bothers to read it, thats fine too! I shall write just for myself! But if anyone wants to share my journey, you are welcome along for the ride!